Divorce Mistakes

Getting into endless battles over unimportant things
A divorce inherently comes from a problem in the relationship, so getting into arguments over unimportant things can be a common occurrence. Frustrations run high and little details can instantly become battlegrounds. Make an effort with your spouse to pick your battles and only spend long periods of time debating important issues that will have effects on your lives.

Having unrealistic expectations
Do not enter your divorce expecting to receive everything you think you deserve or thinking you will be able to sit back and let other people do the work. Divorce is a complex process and will require a significant amount of time and effort. Research the process of divorce and inform yourself of the many ways it can affect your life.

Attempting to win back your spouse with generosity
Some spouses believe they can somehow save their marriage by becoming overly generous throughout their divorce. This will not only hurt your situation financially, but you will be playing with the emotions of your spouse and yourself. Never begin the divorce process until you are completely sure the relationship will not work.

Using your children as pawns
Messy divorces can cause some parents to use their children as leverage to gain certain things they want from the other spouse. Aside from the negative affects it will have on the relationship between parents, using children as pawns in a divorce already reveals the parent's lack of consideration for the children. A divorce involving children will be a life-altering experience for them, but the severity of those effects will depend on the care given by the parents. Your kids should always be your number one priority if you are involved in a divorce.

Starting a new relationship too early
Some spouses choose to start a new relationship before their divorce is over, a common and often messy mistake. Introducing a new woman into the mix will only complicate the divorce process, your relationship with your soon-to-be ex, and the communication you need to successfully finish your divorce. It can also cause distractions during a severely stressful period.

Becoming passive
A divorce brings major mental stress along with all the other baggage, so taking a passive approach to it seems like the easiest way out. Unfortunately, this is not the case. By taking a passive approach to a divorce, people allow themselves to be taken advantage of, not only by the other spouse but by the attorneys involved. A passive attitude will only lead to missed opportunities and misfortune.

Serving divorce papers at an embarrassing location
There is no point in embarrassing your spouse, even if they have treated you poorly and you feel they deserve it. Maintain a respectful, professional manner and you will enjoy a much more amicable process. Doing random acts to harm or embarrass your spouse may come back to haunt you later on.

Responding with anger
Divorce leads to anger, and anger often leads many people to shouting. As mentioned above, communication is an essential element of a successful divorce. Verbal abuse will make everyone involved feel stressed and unable to concentrate on the actual matters at hand. If a person communicates well and shows an obvious desire to negotiate fairly, they will be surprised at how smoothly things can go.

Letting your emotions control you
Don't let your emotions get the best of you! Divorce is a complex process that will require your focus and attention, so make sure you set aside time to deal with the personal effects of it. If you let your emotions control every moment of your life, you will not be able to think clearly during the divorce process.

Failing to create a precise parenting schedule
If children are involved in a divorce and join-custody is awarded to the parents, a parenting schedule must be created. Without one, the parent will soon be arguing over time with their children. If two people cannot come to an agreement regarding a parenting schedule, a mediator or even the court can offer assistance. A parenting schedule will not only help parents to keep track of their visitations, but it will be a positive influence on the children when their parents consistently visit them.

Failing to ask questions
Whether the excuse is shyness, embarrassment, or just plain laziness, failing to ask questions can lead to divorce disaster. If you do not understand a concept or how a process will move forward, just ask! There are countless resources at your disposal that can provide you with the information you might not have yet. Asking questions and informing yourself is the only way to fully understand the divorce process you are going through.

Withholding information
By holding on to information that could be helpful in a divorce, you are only hurting yourself. This is a form of bad communication and will hinder your chances of getting through your divorce as smoothly as possible. Reveal all pertinent information as well as anything that could become important. If you aren't sure about something, ask!

Refusing therapy
Dealing with a divorce can be difficult even when surrounded by supportive family and friends, so partaking in therapy can go a long way in allowing you to focus on your divorce process and the life you have ahead of you. Therapy will provide you with the tools to mentally cope with the major life change, but will also give you an outlet to release tension and frustration. No matter who you are, a therapist can provide you with a way to understand the emotions you are dealing with and help to brighten your situation.

Waiting around for the "right time"
Do not wait around for the best time to bring up a divorce; if you know your relationship is over, you owe it to your spouse and to yourself to end it immediately. Waiting around will only lead your spouse to think everything is fine. You might find out that your spouse is willing to work on the relationship and a divorce won't be necessary. Either way, you need to be open and communicate your feelings when they come. Waiting around will only make things harder for everyone.

Financial
Having unrealistic expectations
A lot of people enter the divorce process thinking they will receive every penny they deserve and will not settle for less. Unfortunately, that is a horrible approach. Most people find that, once their divorce is finalized, they are left in a quite unexpected place both emotionally and financially. Don't enter the process with hopes of gaining more than your fair share. In fact, many people don't even receive their fair share. Avoid setting yourself up for disappointment and foster some realistic expectations.

Failing to untangle your finances
When two people share their lives for many years, their finances tend to become intertwined. Although it will depend on your specific situation, you will probably find that it will take a good amount of time to truly separate all of your finances. Bills will be changing, as will living situations, so it can become a complex process. When people fail to untangle their finances during a divorce, it can come back to haunt them later.

Failing to seek financial advice
People do not seek financial advice for many reasons, but it usually leaves them open to dangerous risks. Getting some advice on how to handle your finances during a divorce will take some of the stress away from you. It will also ensure that everything is accounted for properly and that you are ready for what's ahead.

Focusing too much on the present, instead of the future
A divorce involves a lot of mental stress and causes a lot of men and women to worry too much about what is going on right then. Instead, you should keep your eyes on the future and where you will be going once the divorce is final. Ask yourself important questions about your future and make sure you have the ability to produce satisfactory answers.

Legal
Rushing to court
People who rush into court often wish to finish their divorce as quickly as possible. On the contrary, rushing into court will probably extend the length of your divorce proceedings. If you do not prepare properly before you go to court, you may be pushed into making decisions you either don't agree with or had no idea existed in the first place.

Failing to hire an attorney
People who represent themselves and go through the divorce process on their own often find, later down the road, that mistakes were made that an attorney would have helped them avoid. Hiring an attorney will not only help you to be prepared for your divorce, but it will also take away a lot of stress.

Relying on the advice of family and friends
We all trust our friends and family, but sometimes they act like they know more than they actually do. Unless your family member or friend is an attorney or has experience with divorce law, we suggest you seek the advice of a professional. Even if your loved ones have your best interests in mind, it doesn't make sense to risk your livelihood by blinding taking their advice.

Allowing your spouse to affect your choice of attorney
Although you have been with your partner for years, they might not have your best interests in mind. If they don't, they could be providing you with faulty advice that may hurt you in the end. It's important to keep in mind that your ex-spouse could very well profit from your mistakes. Independently research and choose your own attorney with the help of people you trust and have your best interests in mind.

Ignoring your attorney's advice
If your attorney gives you advice that you may not necessarily approve of, don't simply dismiss it. Some lawyers might try to get you involved in things that are unnecessary and will only increase your bill, but most lawyers have your best interests in mind. If they tell you something you don't feel comfortable with, double check it with another credible source. During a divorce, your attorney's advice could be the difference between a successful divorce and a bad one.

Expecting too much from the legal system
Don't expect to receive everything you feel you deserve. The legal system, as we all know, is not perfect. A divorce involves many aspects of life and creates a very complex situation for both people involved. Because things become so jumbled, it is almost impossible to make things perfectly fair for both parties. It's important to keep in mind the things that matter to you and the things that don't. Instead of arguing over every little detail to feel equal, pick your battles and understand you aren't going to get everything you want.

Failing to check information giving to you by attorneys
Hopefully, you chose an attorney who has a respectable reputation and a lengthy resume of experience. But, not matter who you choose to be your attorney, don't blindly accept everything they say. Some attorneys tend to put people through more than is necessary in order to charge more time and gain more profits. Some attorneys are just incompetent. Double check the information you receive from your attorney and let another trusted professional take a look at what is happening. With legal matters, attorneys sometimes use confusion to take advantage of their clients. Stay aware and do your own research.

Failing to pay alimony
Alimony, money paid from one ex-spouse to another, will only haunt you if later if you try to avoid it. Paying alimony is probably the last thing a recently divorced person wants to deal with, considering the circumstances. In the long run, however, you will probably pay less by simply facing up to it. The problems that arise from avoiding alimony payments will be much worse than simply paying the monthly amount.

Property
Demanding to keep the house
You probably want to claim your home for one reason or another, but that might not be the best idea. If you demand to keep the house you shared with your ex-spouse, it could make it impossible to acquire other things that are more important. You can always find a new home, but some things can't be recreated or copied. You might regret demanding the house once you discover the things you really need.

Diving property without a proper inventory
The emotions involved in divorce can blind people and cause them to make unwise choices, like dividing their property without a clear inventory of it. Before you begin drawing a line across the middle of the room and throwing things from one side to the other, communicate calmly as you take an accurate inventory of your property. Only when everything has been accounted for should be begin to claim specific things.

Battling endlessly over insignificant items
People are quick to claim certain property in a divorce, but you should step back and decide what is truly important to you. Maybe the house isn't such a big deal since you can find an apartment, but the car is something you really need. If you do this before the negotiations, you will be able to focus on the things you really need. Unfortunately, many people jump the gun, claim property for reasons like pride, and then realize they can't acquire the things they actually need. Planning ahead will help you avoid the time-wasting ordeal of arguing over insignificant items.